HARVARD RECEIVED $3 MILLION GRANT TO STUDY 'ASPARAGUS PEE'
Gee whiz!
HEAD OF THE SECRET SERVICE RETIRING
Git while the gettin’s good.
MESSAGE TO HIT MAN ACCIDENTALLY GOES TO EX-BOSS
“You remember you said that you would help me kill my wife.”
OREGON DEMOCRATS WANT TO TAX COFFEE
For school funding.
AUDIO: PILOT GOES A LITTLE CRAZY BEFORE FLIGHT
“Sorry, I’m going through a divorce.”
GOLFER USES PUTTER TO ESCAPE GATOR
On the fourth hole.
EVIL MAN GETS NASTY OBITUARY
“Leslie’s hobbies included being abusive to his family.”
AUDIO: PARROT SHOUTS "REDRUM"
Heeeeeeere’s Polly.