Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
RAZZIE AWARD NOMINATIONS
Pthhhht..
MAGIC MIKE LIVE IN TIMES SQUARE
SRO – Stripping Room Only.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
NETFLIX WANTS THE PLOT REPEATED THREE TIMES DURING THE MOVIE
Maybe even four.
OPEN CASTING CALL FOR “BAYWATCH” REBOOT
I’d pay money just to sit in the waiting room.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
NEW PROCESS WILL HELP YOU ACTUALLY SEE, HEAR TV MOVIES
Wow! What will they think of next?
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A young farm couple get married and go to the honeymoon hotel.
They tell the clerk at the reception desk they need a room to celebrate their first night as husband and wife.
Desk clerk says, “Would you like the Bridal?”
The woman says, “No, I’ll just hold on to his ears until I get the hang of it.”
Three golf clubs walk into a bar.
The putter orders a beer. The iron orders a tequila. And the third golf club says, “None for me, I’m the driver”
A guy gets a knock on his door at 2 am.
It’s a cop, who says, “I’m sorry to bother you at this hour sir, but is this a picture of your wife?” And shows the guy a picture.
“Yes, it is,” the guy says.
The cop says, “Well sir, it looks like she’s been in a terrible car accident.”
The guy says, “Yeah, but she’s got a great personality.”
Did you hear about the Storm Troopers who ate a small Wookie?
They said it was a little chewy.
Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?
Because he only had one pupil.
U.S. NEWS
DE-ICING FLUID SOAKS A PASSENGER INSIDE A JET
Pack a wetsuit.
BUS DRIVER GOES ROGUE
Where’s Sandra Bullock when you need her?
THE QUESO-SYRUP-MILK VANDAL
School daze.
THE WINDIEST CITY
Suck it, Chicago.
INTERNET HOAX: THE DAY GRAVITY WILL TURN OFF FOR 7 SECONDS
“We all float down here.” – Robert “Pennywise” Gray
SEATTLE MAN FIGHTS OFF INTRUDER WITH FRY PAN
He’ll fry for this.
81-YEAR-OLD FLORIDA WOMAN TRIES TO HIRE HIT MAN
Hard to find good help anymore.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
NEWS: COW SCRATCHES ASS WITH STICK
So does my Uncle Ike.
36 PASSENGERS TAKE WRONG TURN IN AIRPORT, MISS FLIGHT
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
BEACH COVERED WITH FRENCH FRIES & ONIONS
The coast is not clear.
AUSTRALIAN WOMAN WAKES TO FIND SNAKE ON TOP OF HER
Wakey wakey, hands off snakey.
IRISH HIGHWAY CRAB SPILL
This story comes with a really good joke.
TOURISTS FOLLOW GPS, END UP ON SKI SLOPE
And boy were they piste.
MAN ATTEMPTS TO BRING DEAD WIFE ONTO PLANE
What, again?
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Lunch
Playtime!
Archaeology
The Secret Recipe
Goose!
“I Love This Refrigerator.” “I Know.”
THE BUZZ
DUMB HEADLINES
The dumbest headlines you’ll ever see (this week).
AUDIO: KIDS AND SWEARING
Curse those kids!
THINGS YOU LOVED AS A KID, HATE AS AN ADULT
Add to the list.
WORKING FOR THE WEALTHY
Oh, those wacky millionaires!
VEGETARIANS MORE DEPRESSED
In England, anyway.
THE BEST JOBS IN AMERICA
Quit your job now!
WEIRD FUNERALS
What a way to go.
IRRITATING PHRASES
We curated this list. It is what it is.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
MERCY
Starts Friday, January 23 in theaters.
RETURN TO SILENT HILL
Starts Friday, January 23 in theaters.
28 YEARS LATER – THE BONE TEMPLE
Starts Friday, January 16 in theaters.
DEAD MAN’S WIRE
Starts Friday, January 16 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Oxymorons
If the shoe fits …
TATTOOTERS
Nice tats!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, January 16.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Espresso Bar
Usually, Big Al isn’t very swift.
SNOW DAY CHIP IMPLANT
A snow day? In your dreams!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, January 9.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Some Assembly Required
Sometimes, it’s a wonder Big Mike doesn’t go to pieces.
THE DITCH
The modern way to stay fit!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Wednesday, December 24.
HEAVER’S WHISKEY
The drink drank by drunken drinkers.
CRECHE CLEAN
Turn your manger from mangy to magnificent.
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