KFC RE-TEACHING ITS EMPLOYEES HOW TO COOK

KFC believes it has lost customers over the years because its food doesn’t taste like it use to. Now it is debuting a new program to win Americans back. “Customers were saying, ‘Your food doesn’t taste the same,'” Jason Marker, KFC’s US president, said Monday. “We’re not making the food the same way the Colonel had, and we’re not making food in what he described as ‘the hard way.’ Today marks the end of that.” The chicken chain is undergoing a process it is calling “Re-Colonelization”. The chain has rolled out an extensive “chicken mastery certification” program, spending more than 100,000 hours retraining more than 20,000 employees on how to prepare the food. Also, effective immediately, if customers aren’t satisfied with their KFC order, the restaurant will remake whatever aspect of their meal fell short.
* But really, who has all afternoon to wait for them to cook it right?
* Or, in my case, all morning.
* Besides, the one thing you never, ever do is ask a food worker to remake something for you. The replacement is bound to contain some of their bodily fluids.
* So … how long will this take? I mean, when will it be safe to come back?
* Is it really so hard for workers to understand “Plop it in the oil, take it out when it beeps”?
* “Re-Colonelization.” Really rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?
* Re-Colonelize this.
* Maybe if they weren’t so busy finding a new guy to play the colonel in the ads every 5 minutes.
* Seriously, what was wrong with Norm McDonald’s version?
* I guess corporations are a little skittish about tying themselves to an individual. Ask Subway how that works.
* I’ve got an idea for the next Colonel Sanders: The Most Interesting Man in the World guy is free.