DEATH BY ATOMIC WEDGIE
The cause of death was asphyxiation.
MACARONI SALAD TRAIL LEADS TO RESTAURANT BURGLARS
Detectives found a steady trail of macaroni salad.
COLLEGE CLASS REQUIRES NAKED FINAL
At the University of California San Diego.
DAD USES DAUGHTER IN GIRL SCOUT COOKIE SCAM
Collecting money for cookies that were never ordered.
ROBBER PEPPER SPRAYS HIMSELF
He sprayed it, then walked into the cloud.
RESTAURANT HOLDS WHITE APPRECIATION DAY
“The least we could do is offer one day to appreciate white Americans.”
MAN ASSAULTED BY GIRLFRIEND WHO WANTED SEX IN THE MEN'S ROOM
She followed him inside and began stripping off her clothes.
GUY PLANS TO RUN ACROSS THE COUNTRY LIKE FORREST GUMP
Oudersluys says that “Forrest Gump” is his favorite movie.
MCDONALD'S TO TEST OUT KALE
Mmm…trendy.
WOMAN SUING ALL GAYS, EVERYWHERE
A seven-page, handwritten petition delivered to the U.S. District Court.