BAD SANTA
Selling drugs out of a U-Haul.
THE $2000 PIZZA
Topped with foie gras, truffles, caviar and gold leaves.
TEACHER SCOLDED OVER NAUGHTY MATH PROBLEM
“How long would it take Tony to send one text and one nude?”
MILLENNIALS NOT USING FABRIC SOFTENER
They don’t even know what it is.
VELVET IS HAVING A MOMENT
Who doesn’t like velvet?
UBER DRIVER STABS PASSENGER FOR "DISRESPECTING HIS CAR"
Passenger rapped on the window to let the driver know he was there.
WOMAN STEALS BABY JESUS FROM NATIVITY, CALLS IT "NEGLECTED"
Son of Joseph and Mary Christ.
TEEN SHOOTS DEER IN LIVING ROOM
A likely story.
SUBWAY MEDITATION
There’s enlightenment at the end of the tunnel.