MAN DREAMED WIFE WAS CHEATING, WOKE UP AND STRANGLED HER
She’s ok, he’s not.
TODAY'S INAUGURATION SCHEDULE
From breakfast to balls.
PRESIDENT OBAMA WRITES A GOODBYE LETTER
Over-writes, more like.
MASSIVE SKITTLE SPILL
A hundred thousand, all red.
AUDIO: AMERICAN AIRLINES UNIFORMS CAUSING RASHES, OOZING BLISTERS, WORSE
Worse than oozing blisters?
AMERICAN v. RUSSIAN HOOKERS
Oh, it is on, baby.
AUDIO: MAN STABBED OVER UNWILLINGNESS TO COMMIT
Nine times in the back.
OBAMA COMMUTES SENTENCE OF SECRETS LEAKER CHELSEA MANNING
All those leaked military secrets? Never mind. You’re free to go.
TRUMP TO BE SWORN IN ON TWO BIBLES
Good idea. Keep both hands where we can see them.