CHILDREN DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ A CLOCK
And if they do, they don’t know what it means.
MAN FAKED BEING SECRET SERVICE AGENT TO IMPRESS WOMEN
Real job: pooper scooper.
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER CHUGGED BOXED WINE DURING CLASS
“Removed her from the classroom in a wheelchair.”
SUSPECT FOUND HIDING BEHIND GIANT TEDDY BEAR
A six-footer.
COUPLE HIRED HIT MAN TO OFF THEIR EXES
How nice they have a common interest.
WOMAN WAKES UP WITH SNAKE IN HER BED
3-foot rat snake.
NEW YORK ENDS LITERACY TEST FOR TEACHERS
It’s too hard.
CONGRESS INTRODUCES AIRLINE LEGROOM BILL
Finally, a law we can all get behind.
CARJACKED COUPLE GETS REVENGE
Which is a no-no, apparently.
MAN ARRESTED ON WHITE HOUSE SOUTH LAWN
A member of the Administration trying to escape?