COMMUTER BEATEN UP BY SUBWAY DANCERS
Suffering for someone else’s art.
MAN GATHERS PITCHFORKS, POKES WOMAN IN HER BEHIND
Gathering pitchforks?
AUDIO: MAN WITH SWORDS OUTSIDE A FLORIDA WALMART
Alcohol may have been a factor.
AUDIO: TOWN REPEALS NO-DANCING ORDINANCE
Oh, please, Louise.
AUDIO: CAST A SPELL ON PRESIDENT TRUMP
So mote it be.
DOG SHOOTS MAN'S GIRLFRIEND
In her sleep.
BULLET BOUNCES OFF WOMAN'S HEAD
Oh, pshaw, it was nothing.
FLORIDA FISHERMEN MARK THEIR TERRITORY
With their excrement.
VICTORIA'S SECRET: (SHHH – NO ONE'S BUYING ANYTHING)
The news is not uplifting.
AUDIO: DWI GIRL CARTWHEELS HER WAY INTO THE HOOSEGOW
If i were drunk, could I do this?