DOG ELECTED MAYOR FOR THIRD TIME

In a vote held over the weekend, Duke the 9-year-old Great Pyrenees dog won his third consecutive term as mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota. Voters paid $1 each to cast ballots in the election, which was held during the annual “Cormorant Daze” festival. “Everybody voted for Duke, except for one vote for his girlfriend, Lassie,” David Rick, Duke’s owner, said. (* Lassie! That bitch!) As mayor, Duke appears on three highway billboards promoting the community.
* This is why we need term limits.
* Duke ran on a promise to build a wall around Cormorant to keep out the cats.
* People were itching to vote for him, but it turned out to be fleas.
* Is it too late to draft him as a presidential candidate?
* His campaign promises include fetching sticks and rolling over on command.
* People had to pay to vote? Finally, an election that admits up front that it’s rigged.
* Just be glad Donald Trump can’t lick himself.
* Duke also wants a fire hydrant on every corner … to piss on.
* Why am I imagining that Duke’s voice sounds like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?
* Picture those city council meetings: “Okay, who wants to take the mayor for a walk?”