GIRL CALLS 911 AFTER TOUCHING THE ELF ON THE SHELF

A New Jersey girl called 911 after she touched her Elf on the Shelf. Police say 7-year-old Isabelle LaPeruta of Old Bridge, New Jersey, was worried because, according to the popular children’s book, the magic of Christmas goes away if the elf is touched. The girl told the 911 operator not to come to her house because she had meant to call her dad. However, police are required to check 911 calls and an officer found the child in tears. Her mother, Lynanne, says she awoke from a nap to find her daughter trying to shoo a police officer out of the house. She says the girl panicked after the elf fell on the floor when she threw a ball. The officer radioed headquarters: “Isabella apologized. She touched the Elf on a Shelf. She won’t call 911 again.”
* So the magic of Christmas has gone away? What a relief! Now I can sleep in!
* I don’t blame her for throwing a ball at the elf. Those things are creepy.
* Just hours to go before Christmas and she gets herself on the Naughty List.
* Personally, I’m ready to put the entire year 2015 on the shelf.
* I feel so stupid. I didn’t even know not touching an elf was a thing.
* And don’t even think about asking me what I thought it was a euphemism for.
* So if this was colonial India, what would the Elf Class be called? The Untouchables.
* I’m seeing a gangster movie here: The Untouchables 2 Starring Sean Connery as an Elf.