THIEVES STEAL ROOMBAS
Three thieves, multiple robot vacuums.
TURKEY FALLS IN LOVE WITH A HONDA CIVIC
He won’t let anyone else near it.
COUPLE HAS SEX NEXT TO HARDEE'S DRIVE-THRU
During morning rush hour.
SUBWAY NOW PROMISES A FOOTLONG IS 12 INCHES
It’s about time.
AUDIO: MAN FINDS OUT HE'S GOING TO BE A DAD ON FLIGHT
The captain made the announcement.
AUDIO: 30 HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS FIGHT OVER A BOY
Or else possibly a gang rivalry.
SUSPECT CHEWS OFF HIS FINGERPRINTS
To avoid I.D. They identified him anyway.
MAN HAS VOLVO WITH THREE MILLION MILES ON IT
A 1966 Volvo P1800 convertible.
NASA NEEDS YOUR LAZY BUTT
70 days in bed smoking dope. And they’ll pay you.
AUDIO: PERFORMANCE ARTIST STARES AT TED CRUZ'S MOUTH FOR TWO HOURS
It beats learning how to paint.