120-POUND GREAT DANE RESCUED FROM TREE
Stupid squirrels.
MAN GOES TO DENTIST, WAKES UP WITH NO TEETH
Forms were signed.
AUDIO: TESLA HAS A "BIOWEAPON DEFENSE MODE"
The world’s most expensive fart fan.
NY DEMOCRATS COMPLAIN OF T.P. SHORTAGE
“Try it out, it will probably cut you.”
STARBUCKS TO CUSTOMER: "DIABETES HERE I COME"
Customer didn’t get the joke.
BURGER KING HIT WITH PRANK CALL
The old “break all the windows” gag.
MAN FACES PRISON OVER TRUMP FLAG
He’s not allowed to fly it until May 7.
FUNERAL DIRECTOR HAS FAMILY DIG HOLE
And that was just the beginning of the problems.
MOM MAD AT SON FOR SMOKING ALL THE METH
Well, yeah, he did.
ROBBER SPRAYS SELF WITH FIRE EXTINGUISHERS TO ELUDE POLICE
It didn’t work, of course.