SMURFS IN THE FIRE ALARM
Gargamel!
WOMAN RUNS OVER TWO FOR HUGGING HER BOYFRIEND
It was a non-sexual hug.
FOOD TRUCKS FOR DOGS
In Seattle.
MAN SETS TV WATCHING RECORD
94 hours straight.
PREGNANT WOMAN MAD AT SUBWAY
They wouldn’t microwave her meat.
"AFFLUENZA" TEEN GETS TWO YEARS IN JAIL
Maybe. The judge can still change it.
LOST WOMAN SAVED BY WRITING "HELP" WITH STICKS AND ROCKS
What, again with the “help”?
ELECTRONICS THIEVES FORGET TO TURN OFF DEVICES' GPS
The cops soon found them.
AUDIO: SOUTHERN MOM DESTROYS KIDS' CELL PHONE
With a shotgun and a sledgehammer.
RAMPAGING MAN BLAMES TOO MUCH MASTURBATION
Also, music.