CROOK ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED THEFT

After a St. Louis, Missouri, gas station manager stopped 33-year-old Joshua Crook from taking a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, Crook attempted to light the gas station on fire. The manager told officers that Crook was known for attempting to shoplift from the gas station. Around 5 p.m. Sunday, Crook allegedly tried to take a bag of Cheetos from a display when the manager told him to either put it down or pay for it. Crook then punched the manager in the face, went outside and slammed a gas pump on the ground, causing gasoline to pool, then threw a lit cigarette onto the gas. Crook has been charged with first-degree arson, third-degree assault, theft of less than $500 and first-degree trespassing.
* That escalated quickly.
* From Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to Flamin’ Hot ‘Splodin’ Gas Station.
* Idiot! How can you keep trying to shoplift from the place if you burn it down?
* So if you visit a store but don’t buy anything, it’s trespassing? They just threw that in there to mess with the guy.
* Wow! This story has everything: Foreshadowing (name: Crook), Irony (Crook steals), Sudden plot twist (gas pump) and Juxtaposition (Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, fire).
* Joshua Crook. Sounds like the hero of a Stephen King novel.
* It’s nice when your name is the same as your occupation. It must make filling out the police report so much faster.
* How about the ratio of what he took to the total number of years in prison?
* It’ll come down to around 6 months for every individual Cheeto in the bag.
* But Cheeto will make a terrific prison nickname.
* How hard up is this gas station for business if they let previous shoplifters through the door?