"AFFLUENZA" TEEN GETS TWO YEARS IN JAIL
Maybe. The judge can still change it.
LOST WOMAN SAVED BY WRITING "HELP" WITH STICKS AND ROCKS
What, again with the “help”?
ELECTRONICS THIEVES FORGET TO TURN OFF DEVICES' GPS
The cops soon found them.
AUDIO: SOUTHERN MOM DESTROYS KIDS' CELL PHONE
With a shotgun and a sledgehammer.
RAMPAGING MAN BLAMES TOO MUCH MASTURBATION
Also, music.
AUDIO: FURIOUS MOM YELLS AT AMERICAN AIRLINES
“If there’s no flight just say: ‘There’s no flight!’”
120-POUND GREAT DANE RESCUED FROM TREE
Stupid squirrels.
MAN GOES TO DENTIST, WAKES UP WITH NO TEETH
Forms were signed.
AUDIO: TESLA HAS A "BIOWEAPON DEFENSE MODE"
The world’s most expensive fart fan.
NY DEMOCRATS COMPLAIN OF T.P. SHORTAGE
“Try it out, it will probably cut you.”