MAN DIES RATHER THAN WATCH ANOTHER PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
Some guys have all the luck.
GRANDMA BEATS INTRUDER WITH A CROWBAR
Sleeping in her room last Monday morn.
NEW BIKE LOCK WILL MAKE THIEVES VOMIT
Emits a noxious odor when someone tries to cut through it.
COLORADO BEAR DRIVES INTO A TREE
As they do.
AUDIO: STD'S AT RECORD RATE
Polite golf clap.
MAIL CARRIER CAUGHT DUMPING MAIL IN THE WOODS
A dozen bins.
SCHOOL EVACUATED AFTER 3RD GRADER PEES ON AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET
Shorted out the school.
ANTI-TRUMPER SMEARS PEANUT BUTTER ON 30 CARS
Unfortunately, the cars belonged to a conservation club.
WOMAN DOUSES FLASHER WITH GARDEN HOSE
“I’m 55. I’ve seen a lot.”
M&M's GET CARAMEL FILLING
They get new fillings, so you can lose yours.