MOM ASSAULTS 9-YEAR-OLD "BULLY"
Who pulled her daughter’s hair.
WOMAN GETS THREATENING LETTER FROM PIZZA GUY WHOM SHE DID NOT TIP
Thought the gratuity was included. Uh-huh.
TEEN OPENS EMERGENCY DOOR, JUMPS FROM PLANE AFTER LANDING
Engines were still running.
HELP WANTED: SOMEONE TO DEFEND EARTH
Superpowers not required.
BRIDE POINTS GUN AT GROOM
Arrested in her wedding dress.
BRISKET SMOKER STOLEN
From parking lot.
QUESTS FOR BIGGER BUTT, BIGGER PENIS LEAD TO DEATHS
Tragedies down south.
12 INMATES ESCAPE USING PEANUT BUTTER
They were recaptured in a Jif.
FLORIDA COUPLE FINDS SLEEPING BEAR ON THEIR FRONT PORCH
Bizzaro Goldilocks.