PARTIAL BODY FOUND IN SHOPPING CART
In the Bronx.
DRIVE-THRU RAGE: MAN DENIED ICE CREAM PULLS OUT RIFLE
Machine wasn’t working.
DRUNK DRIVER SMASHES INTO "REPORT DRUNK DRIVERS" SIGN
In California, a suspected drunk driver suffered serious injuries when he crashed his Jeep into a road sign on Highway 1 Wednesday morning. The sign read, “REPORT DRUNK DRIVERS. CALL 911.” According to police, the driver lost control around 11:30 a.m., and the vehicle ran over the sign, careened up an embankment, flipped, and landed…
GUY SPRAYS BORDER PATROL CAR WITH LIQUID MANURE
For not arresting enough illegal immigrants.
WOMAN CAUGHT SNORTING COCAINE IN SCHOOL PICK-UP LINE
Choppin’ and snortin’.
MOUSE BAKED INTO CHICK-FIL-A BUN
“I could see the whiskers and the tail.”
BEE ATTACK!
At a high school.
DUI DRIVER: "DRINKING ON DOCTOR'S ORDERS"
To avoid withdrawal symptoms.
GUY PLACES AD TO MAKE AN ECLIPSE BABY
“You must like cats.”
GUY SHOOTS NAIL INTO HIS HEART, DRIVES TO HOSPITAL
“I thought it just nicked me.”