What happened to the guy who was addicted to sandwiches?
He’s trying to quite cold turkey.
A father is listening to his little girl is say her bedtime prayers.
She says, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma… and goodbye, Grandpa.” Dad says, “Why’d you say “Goodbye Grandpa?” Girls says, “I don’t know.” The next day, Grandpa drops dead. That night, the father hears her say, “God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and goodbye Grandma.” The next day, Grandma drops dead. That night, the daughter says, “God bless Mommy, and Goodbye Daddy.” The guy freaks. He stays up all night. Nothing happens. He’s beyond relieved. He goes to work, comes home that night. His wife says, “I had a horrible day.” He asks, “What happened?” Mom says, “Well, the milkman dropped dead on the front steps.”
Why did the church use noodles instead of communion wafers?
They were Ramen Catholic.
Did you know Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd started a landscaping business?
Robert Plants and Roger Waters.
What happens when two snails get into a fight?
They slug it out.
How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?
It’s a little meteor.
A guy is dancing with a girl, and they’re really swinging.
But every time he twirls her around, she gets two inches taller. He says, “What’s going on?” She says, “You’re unscrewing my wooden leg.”
The CEO of a big company walked into the office and saw a man scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?” The man says, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.” The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?” Man, “1000 dollars” The CEO counts out $2000 and gives it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!” The guys takes the money and leaves. CEO says to the reception, “Who was that guy?” The receptionist says, “Pizza delivery”.