What do you call a Target store that’s burned to the ground?
Kohl’s
A 70-year-old woman, miraculously, has a baby.
All of her family and relatives come to visit. When they ask to see the baby, the mom says, “Not yet.” A little later, they ask to see the baby again. Again, the woman says, “Not yet!” Finally they ask, “When can we see the baby?” The mother says, “When the baby cries.” They say, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The woman says, “Because I forgot where I put it.”
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later!
Why does it take longer to run from 2nd to 3rd base than any other bases?
Because there’s a short stop in between them.
Why should you wear glasses when doing math?
They really help with da vision.
Why did the puppy need to lose weight?
It was a little husky.
How did the magician get chocolate on his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve.
What did the octopus say to the bagpipes?
“Nice pajamas.”
A woman lived with her daughter and son-in-law.
One day she came home to find her son-in-law packing a suitcase. He says, “I’m leaving, it’s the end of our marriage. I texted my wife to say I’d be home early, and when I got here I found her in bed with another man.” The mother-in-law said, “No, my daughter would never do that, there must be a simple explanation, I’ll go and talk to her.” After a while, the mother-in-law comes back and says, “There, I told you there was a simple explanation. She never got your text.”