Why did the Roman senators walk everywhere?
Because they were told not to run with Caesars.
Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his new honey.
What did the bread say when it broke up with the jam?
You deserve butter.
A young farm couple get married and go to the honeymoon hotel.
They tell the clerk at the reception desk they need a room to celebrate their first night as husband and wife.
Desk clerk says, “Would you like the Bridal?”
The woman says, “No, I’ll just hold on to his ears until I get the hang of it.”
Three golf clubs walk into a bar.
The putter orders a beer. The iron orders a tequila. And the third golf club says, “None for me, I’m the driver”
A guy gets a knock on his door at 2 am.
It’s a cop, who says, “I’m sorry to bother you at this hour sir, but is this a picture of your wife?” And shows the guy a picture.
“Yes, it is,” the guy says.
The cop says, “Well sir, it looks like she’s been in a terrible car accident.”
The guy says, “Yeah, but she’s got a great personality.”
Did you hear about the Storm Troopers who ate a small Wookie?
They said it was a little chewy.
Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?
Because he only had one pupil.
A guy is sitting at a bar looking miserable.
The bartender says, “What’s the matter?”
Guy says, “Last night my wife got really drunk and wanted to have sex in the back seat of our car.”
Bartender says, “That sounds pretty hot. So what’s the problem?”
Guy says, “She wanted me to drive.”
A Jehovahs witness knocks on the door.
Old lady invites him in, makes him a cup of tea, and asks, “What did you want to talk about?
Kid says, “Hell if I know. I’ve never gotten this far before.“