What’s a rabbit’s favorite whiskey?
Hop scotch.
Guy’s in court, accused of killing an endangered whooping crane.
The guy argues that he thought it was a common Sandhill crane — not endangered. The judge understood and dismissed the case. As the guy’s leaving the courtroom, the judge says, “By the way, what did the whooping crane taste like?” Guy says, “It tastes like bald eagle.”
What’s the angriest nut?
Pissed-achio
What did the waffle say at the end of breakfast?
Should I stay or should Eggo?
Two rednecks pull into a lumberyard.
One goes in and asks a clerk for some four-by-twos. “You mean two-by-fours?” the clerk asks. The redneck says, “I’ll go check.” He goes back to the car, asks his buddy, and returns a minute later. “Yeah, two-by-fours will be fine,” he tells the clerk. “All right,” says the clerk. “And how long?” “Just a minute,” says the redneck,” and heads back out to the car. A minute later he comes back and tells the clerk. “A long time. We’re buildin’ a garage.”
There’s a knock at the door.
Guy answers it, a sees a little man standing on the step. He says, “You’re not very tall are you”? Man says, ” I’m 3-foot 3.” Guy says, “So what do you want?” The guy says, “I’m the meter man.”
Why is Cardi B so out of shape?
Because she’s Cardi B, not Cardio.
How did Fred Flintstone please Wilma?
He made her Bed Rock.
A 70-year-old woman, miraculously, has a baby.
All of her family and relatives come to visit. When they ask to see the baby, the mom says, “Not yet.” A little later, they ask to see the baby again. Again, the woman says, “Not yet!” Finally they ask, “When can we see the baby?” The mother says, “When the baby cries.” They say, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The woman says, “Because I forgot where I put it.”