A 70-year-old woman, miraculously, has a baby.

All of her family and relatives come to visit. When they ask to see the baby, the mom says, “Not yet.” A little later, they ask to see the baby again. Again, the woman says, “Not yet!” Finally they ask, “When can we see the baby?” The mother says, “When the baby cries.” They say, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The woman says, “Because I forgot where I put it.”

Guy walks into a bar and says, “My wife must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

The bartender says,, “What makes you say that?” Guy says, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. She was so thrilled to have me around, that every time the mailman or a delivery man came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”