What does Jeff Bezos do just before going to the bed?
He puts his pajAMAZON.
Why don’t monsters like to eat ghosts?
They taste like sheet.
What happened to the man who was hit in the head with a can of Coke?
Nothing, because it was a soft drink.
Doorbell rings at 3am.
Husband, irritated gets up and opens the door to an obviously drunk man. The drunk says, “Could you give me a push?” Husband says, “Hello no,” slams the door. His wife says, “Don’t you remember when we were stranded on the side of the road and people stopped to help us? Go help the poor man.” The husband goes back to the door, doesn’t see the man. He yells, “Do you still need a push?” He hears the drunk say, “Yes please.” Husband says, “Where are you?” Drunk says, “Over here on the swings.”
A man looks over his fence, sees his neighbor digging a hole in the back garden.
Says, “What are you up to?” Neighbor says, “Oh, I’m digging a hole for my dead hamster.” Guy says,. “Sorry to hear that, but why make the hole so big?” Neighbor says, “Because it’s inside your cat.”
Did you see the old man collecting shopping carts at the supermarket parking lot?
He must have been pushing 70.
What did the mom say a week after dropping a tub of margarine on her toe?
I can’t believe it’s not better.
Did you hear about the zookeeper who couldn’t make it to the party?
She sent her egrets.
How do crabs get around on land?
They use the side walk.