10 JOKE OF THE DAY

Her husband said “I’m sorry you’re in such pain. I wish I could help.” She says, “It’s OK. It’s not your fault.”

Tutus.

Husband comes out, says, “What’s for dinner?” She’s a little angry. She says, “Pretend I’m out of town, go make dinner yourself.” Guy goes inside, cooks up a beautiful steak, baked potato and a beer. Wife comes in. Says, “Where’s my dinner?” Husband says, “I thought you were out of town.”

Ramen.

She asks what’s the matter, Husband says, “My mom just died.” Wife says, Oh, I sorry, honey.” He says, “Maybe you can tell me a joke to cheer me up.” She goes, “OK. Knock knock.” Husband says, “Who’s there”? Wife says, “Not your mother.”

When he opens the door, he doesn’t see anyone at first, but as he’s about to close the door, he sees a snail sitting on the doormat. The man picks up the snail and throws it as hard and as far as he can, then goes back inside. Five years later, the same man hears a knock on his front door. He opens the door, there’s the snail. The snail says, “What the hell?”

He says, “Judge, you’re sending me to prison for something I didn’t do.”
Judge says, “What didn’t you do?”
Guy says, “I didn’t run fast enough.”

Sorry, my fault.

Bark Bark

“Okay, where do I put the ol’ John Hancock?”