How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?
It’s a little meteor.
A guy is dancing with a girl, and they’re really swinging.
But every time he twirls her around, she gets two inches taller. He says, “What’s going on?” She says, “You’re unscrewing my wooden leg.”
The CEO of a big company walked into the office and saw a man scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?” The man says, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.” The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?” Man, “1000 dollars” The CEO counts out $2000 and gives it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!” The guys takes the money and leaves. CEO says to the reception, “Who was that guy?” The receptionist says, “Pizza delivery”.
A wife was giving birth and having a difficult time with it.
Her husband said “I’m sorry you’re in such pain. I wish I could help.” She says, “It’s OK. It’s not your fault.”
Wife is out in the backyard, pulling weeds in the hot sun.
Husband comes out, says, “What’s for dinner?” She’s a little angry. She says, “Pretend I’m out of town, go make dinner yourself.” Guy goes inside, cooks up a beautiful steak, baked potato and a beer. Wife comes in. Says, “Where’s my dinner?” Husband says, “I thought you were out of town.”
Woman finds her husband sobbing.
She asks what’s the matter, Husband says, “My mom just died.” Wife says, Oh, I sorry, honey.” He says, “Maybe you can tell me a joke to cheer me up.” She goes, “OK. Knock knock.” Husband says, “Who’s there”? Wife says, “Not your mother.”