GET MARRIED AT THE HAUNTED MANSION
I boo.
AUDIO: SWAT COP SCROLLS THROUGH DATING APP DURING STANDOFF
Could have been worse. Could have been OnlyFans.
SANTACON IS A CON
Santa fraud.
AUDIO: PILOTS MAKE CAT & DOG SOUNDS TO AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL
Toonces, the cat who could fly a plane.
CHUNK OF AIRPLANE ICE CRASHES THROUGH ROOF, LANDS ON COUCH
Maybe it’s a sign that Hell is freezing over.
COPS CATCH SPEEDER WHO KEPT TRACK OF NUMBER OF TIMES HE OUTRAN THEM
Heap o’ trouble, boy.
MAN IN COW COSTUME ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED STABBING
How now, brown cow?
AMAZON WORKER DIES, OTHERS INSTRUCTED TO KEEP WORKING
Worked to death.
PIGEON HOARDER
This story is for the birds.