DETROIT PRIEST PUNCHES YOUNG SUSPECT TRYING TO FLEE
The power of Christ compels you, punk.
DING DONG DITCH KIDS GET THEIRS
Unfortunately, so does the victim.
MAN DRIVES INTO DONUT SHOP BECAUSE IT WAS CLOSED
A crime crueller than most.
DETECTIVE PULLS GUN ON FELLOW COP FOR WARMING FISH IN THE MICROWAVE
I understand why, but it’s still wrong.
FIRE FIGHTER SETS BLAZES
Practice makes perfect.
MODERN-DAY CATTLE RUSTLING
Much easier than it used to be.
LEAF BLOWER MISTAKEN FOR BAZOOKA
Easy mistake to make.
FASTEST PIZZA MAKER CROWNED
Take that, A.I.
PEOPLE SPOTTED COMING OUT OF NEW YORK SEWERS
We all float down here.