METAPHOR SINKHOLE OPENS ON WHITE HOUSE LAWN
Oh, hell.
BURGLARS REMOVE FRONT WINDOW OF STORE
Saks 5th Avenue in Beverly Hills.
RATTLESNAKE FALLS OUT OF TREE INTO PASSING KAYAK
(leaps, more like.)
BOY SCOUT JAMBOREE TO HAVE CONDOMS AVAILABLE
To keep your pocketknife dry, I bet.
POST OFFICE ISSUES SCRATCH-AND-SNIFF STAMPS
Ice Pop series.
MAN CLIMBS PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT, SHOUTS TO KIDS WHERE BABIES COME FROM
Using incorrect words, I bet.
BABOON GOT LOOSE AT SAN ANTONIO AIRPORT
Great flyin’ monkeys!
MAN POISONED BY MCDONALD'S SODA
Bleach pod.
TEACHER TO DONATE KIDNEY TO STUDENT
It’s not even her student.