WOMAN FINDS GOAT HEAD ON HOOD OF CAR
Voodoo.
IHOP WON'T SERVE ARMLESS BOY WHO EATS WITH HIS FEET
Rooty-tooty fresh ‘n footie.
CHURCH VANDAL ATE THREE FROZEN PIZZAS AND ICE CREAM
It’s not deliverance, it’s Digiorno.
TODAY, STARBUCKS WILL BE CLOSING FOR SENSITIVITY TRAINING
A four hour coffee break.
HELP WANTED: CANDY INTERN
Eat candy for the summer.
CORONER ACCUSED OF TAKING REMAINS HOME TO USE AS ROSE FERTILIZER
Ashes to ashes, dust to (rose) dust.
BANK ROBBER'S NAME WAS ON STICK-UP NOTE
But that’s not how they caught him.
DEAD MAN WANTS ASHES SCATTERED IN A TORNADO
V.I.P. (Vortex in Peace)
MCDONALD'S SUED OVER UNWANTED CHEESE
In Florida.