REC CENTER EMPLOYEE STEALS $60 INSULATED CUP
Actual quote: “This cup would be great to hold my breast milk.”
WOMEN PASS COUNTERFEIT MONEY TO BURGER JOINTS
Robble robble robble robble…
BEAR BREAKS INTO CANDY STORE FOUR TIMES
I sense a pattern.
“JESSICA” IS THE NEW “KAREN”
Let me speak to Karen’s manager.
PENNSYLVANIA GRAVE ROBBER
What a bonehead.
WAYMO SELF-DRIVING CAR DRIVES ON TRAIN TRACKS
Waymo trouble than it’s worth.
FUTURE MERMAID ARRESTED FOR NUDE POND SWIMMING
There’s something fishy about this story.
PILOT OF BLOWN DOOR AIRPLANE SUES BOEING
Stay classy, Boeing.
U.S. GOVERNMENT: DRINK MORE
Here’s to you, Dr. Oz!