MAN RELEASES RACCOON INTO BUSINESS
Only to find Gideon’s bible.
TWO RESCUED FROM DEADMAN’S POINT
Or, rather, Not-Yet-Deadman’s Point.
FLORIDA MAN STABS SHARK IN HEAD FOR STEALING HIS FISH
Go catch your own fish, Sharko.
BEAR BREAKS INTO NURSING HOME
Hide the porridge!
CAVIAR POACHERS POPPED
Something fishy.
MAN DRIVES 132 MPH, LATE FOR JOB INTERVIEW
Go, Speed Racer, go!
MAN RUNS MARATHON WITH NO TRAINING
Put up or shut up.
CANDLE THEFT RING BUSTED
Not the brightest candles on the cake.
TEXAS WOMAN ENRAGED BY BAGPIPES
Moe! Larry! The cheese!