CANDLE THEFT RING BUSTED
Not the brightest candles on the cake.
TEXAS WOMAN ENRAGED BY BAGPIPES
Moe! Larry! The cheese!
FRISBEE GOLFER ATTACKED BY HAMMERHEAD SHARK FROM THE SKY
This is not a boat accident!
TEXAS BILL WOULD FORCE CHANGE TO DORITOS, M&M’S, MORE
Not for human consumption.
COPS CALLED ON DISHEVELED DAD
Slob story.
WOMAN SUES OVER HOT DRAGON BALLS
Hot damn.
MAN STEALS, GETS OFF ON, POOL FLOATS
Whatever floats your boat.
ROLLERBLADING ROBBER
Cheap skate.