MAN BUYS REJECTED LOTTERY TICKET, WINS $1 MILLION
What a lucky man he was.
SOLID GOLD TOILET SELLS AT AUCTION
Believe it or not.
VALET TAKES CAR ON A JOYRIDE TO GET BURGER
But it was so funny in “Ferris Buelller.”
MISSOURI JUDGE FIRED FOR WEARING ELVIS WIG
Circuit Judge off the circuit, now in home residency.
HEINZ LEFTOVER GRAVY IN A BOTTLE
Squeezable.
OPERATION NAUGHTY NAME
Bow chicka wow wow.
MOM FINDS ALLIGATOR IN LATE SON’S APARTMENT
What a croc.
SCIENTIST DECODE WHALE-SPEAK
I speak whale.
CO-FOUNDER OF CROOKED BEVERAGE ACCUSED OF EMBEZZLEMENT
Truth in labeling.
PLANE DECLARES EMERGENCY AFTER SOMEONE VAPES MARIJUANA ON BOARD
Fly the astral plane.