NEW YORK TOWN REMINDS CITIZENS IT’S ILLEGAL TO FIRE CANNONS
OK, boomer.
ZOLTAR WINS MAN A MILLION DOLLARS
Big winnings.
HIGHLY IDENTIFIABLE BANK ROBBER CAUGHT
It’s what the fashionable robbers are wearing these days.
TARGET TO REPLACE SHOPPING CARTS TO WIN CUSTOMERS BACK
That’s just how they roll.
WOMAN PULLS OUT HER DENTURES DURING ARGUMENT
Don’t bark if you can’t bite.
BARBERS SUE BAR CALLING ITSELF “THE BARBER SHOP”
There’ll be hell toupee.
KIDS STEAL OVER 100 HOT DOGS FROM SCHOOL
Quick, put air tags on the buns.
DRUNK MAN ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A CALL ON HIS SHOE
Get smart, buddy.
MAN ATTACKS COUPLE FOR TURNING OFF THEIR WI-FI, WHICH HE WAS USING
The nerve of some people.
MAYOR FIRES ENTIRE POLICE FORCE FOR HURTING HIS WIFE’S FEELINGS
Help wanted: sycophants.