TODAY'S CLOWN STORY: THE BRIDGE CLOWN
It wasn’t a gun, it was a clown umbrella.
STUDENT ATTEMPTS TO POISON TEACHER WITH CHALK
Never turn your back on teens.
NIKE'S SELF-TYING SNEAKERS
Coming November 28.
ATM ROBBERY VICTIM GETS HIS MONEY BACK
By running over the robber.
MAN PUNCHES BEAVER
After an unprovoked shoe attack.
THE SAN FRANCISCO FOG MARTINI
Harvested from only the finest fog.
AUDIO: GIRL BRINGS KNIFE TO SCHOOL IN CASE OF CLOWNS
And is promptly suspended.
PERFORMANCE ARTIST LIVING IN WOODEN BALL
They unplugged his electricity.
HOT LUNCH SHAMING
Cafeteria worker resigns rather than take hot lunch away from deadbeat kids.