MILLENNIALS NOT USING FABRIC SOFTENER
They don’t even know what it is.
VELVET IS HAVING A MOMENT
Who doesn’t like velvet?
UBER DRIVER STABS PASSENGER FOR "DISRESPECTING HIS CAR"
Passenger rapped on the window to let the driver know he was there.
WOMAN STEALS BABY JESUS FROM NATIVITY, CALLS IT "NEGLECTED"
Son of Joseph and Mary Christ.
TEEN SHOOTS DEER IN LIVING ROOM
A likely story.
SUBWAY MEDITATION
There’s enlightenment at the end of the tunnel.
BOYFRIEND ATTACKED FOR NOT BUYING GIRLFRIEND A MANICURE
The Case of the Maniacal Manicure.
COUPLE WAKES TO FIND MOUNTAIN LION MAULING A DEER ON THEIR FRONT PORCH
Look what the cat dragged in.
GAS STATION ROBBER HAD A DRAWN-ON BEARD
The Gender-Fluid Bandit.