TEACHER GIVES ANTI-TRUMP VOCABULARY TEST
School officials were (BLANK).
INFLATABLE 12-FOOT BEER BOTTLE STOLEN
In Kalamazoo.
CABLE GUY'S BODY FOUND IN CLOSET OF ALL-GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL
Police are investigating.
CRAYOLA DUMPS YELLOW CRAYON
Dandelion.
AUDIO: JOGGER RAGE – BICYCLE THROWN OFF MOUNTAIN
It’s bad when your bicycle has an aviation accident.
OLD PAIR OF LEVI'S FOUND
From 1893. Unworn.
SUSPECT RUNS OUT OF GAS, TWICE
Featuring The Ballad of Johnny No Gas.
POLICE OVERREACTION: MAN'S HOME WRECKED
Hobo armed with an ice cream bar.
GUN FALLS OUT OF DRUNK MAN'S BUTT
At the police station.
ALASKAN BOY WINS SMELLIEST SNEAKER CONTEST
New Balance sneakers.