HIKER STUCK IN QUICKSAND
Quickxotic.
WOMAN GIVES BIRTH IN A WAYMO
Waymo – use us for your next delivery!
DRONE DROPS CRAB LEGS INTO PRISON YARD
Party ruined.
MAN RIDES DISNEY RIDE 15,000 TIMES
That’s goofy.
MAN ROBS STORE WITH ANTIQUE GUN
Look who thinks they’re Jesse James.
FLORIDA WOMAN ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT WITH CHICKEN
Not like the chicken fights we used to have.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY CALLS FOR GYM WORKOUTS BEFORE BOARDING FLIGHTS
Like you don’t get enough steps at the airport.
JUDGE SAYS WOMAN CAN’T CHANGE HER NAME TO “DR”
Well, no duh.
MAN STEALS SAME CAR TWICE
He has a type.
FUTURE IN-LAWS PLAY PRANK ON BRIDE-TO-BE
Welcome to the family, sucker.