At a corporate board meeting the CEO tells a joke.
Everyone laughs hysterically, except for one guy.
The CEO askes the guy, “Didn’t you get it?” And the guy says, “Oh, I got it. But today’s my last day.”
Why does kangaroo meat taste like beer?
Because of all the hops.
What happened to the man who was afraid to plant an apple tree?
They told him to grow a pear.
What do you see when the sun bends over?
The crack of dawn.
Where do sick ships go?
To the doc,
What happened when Simba was walking too slow?
They told him to Mufasa.
A burglar breaks into a home, finds a couple having sex.
He ties them up at gunpoint, loots the house. As he’s leaving, the man pleads, “Please, just untie her, I’ll give you my car keys, empty my bank account, anything. Just let her go.” The thief says, “You must really love your wife to be begging like that.” The man says, “No, my wife will be home in 5 minutes.”
Guy goes into a pet shop.
He says, He says, “You got any dogs goin’ cheap?”
Owner says, “No, all our dogs go woof.”
How do you cut an ocean wave in half?
With a sea saw.