What did the lazy mathematician say to the numbers?
Calc you later.
Why does Santa Claus get so many pop-up ads?
Because he always accepts cookies.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs.
Guy goes to the doctor.
He says, “Doc, I don’t feel good.”
Doctor says, “Go over to my window and stick your tongue out.”
Guy says, “Why?”
Doctor says, “Because I’m mad ad my neighbor.”
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse says, “Sure.”
A woman goes to her doctor and asks for birth control pills.
The doctor is shocked: “Why do you want those?” She replies, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor says, “How do they help you sleep better? Woman says, “I put them in my 16-year-old daughter’s orange juice every morning, and I sleep at night like a baby.”
Who cleans the sea floor?
Mer-Maids.
A ship is sinking.
The captain addressed his crew, he said, “Is anyone here religious?”
One crew member spoke up, “I am. In fact I pray very often.”
Captain says, “That’s good. You can pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We’re one short.”