Two dinosaurs are standing in the rain. They see an ark float by.
One dinosaur says, “Oh, damn, that was today?”
What do you call a flying monk?
An air friar.
A pastor was giving a sermon about living a meaningful life.
He asks three men in the front pew: “What would you want your loved ones to say as they are looking at you in your coffin?”
First man says, “That I was a good father and husband.”
Second man says, “That I lived a good life.”
Third man says, “Look – he’s moving!”
What do you say to the mathematician who invented the zero?
Thanks for nothing.
Guy’s in the operating room getting prepped for an operation.
Doctor says, “It’s okay, John, you’ll get through this. Everything’s going to be alright, John, calm down. Don’t worry, John, it just a quick procedure.”
Guy says, “My name’s not John.”
Doctor says, “I know, but mine is.”
Which mountain is the smartest?
Mount Cleverest.
Two men are fishing on the lake.
An otter swims up to them and asks “Do you guys have any batteries?”
Men are confused but they go, “No, we don’t have any batteries.”
Otter swims away but comes back after a while.
One man says, “Go away! We already told you we don’t have batteries and your splashing scares the fish away.”
Otter says, “But I brought you batteries!”
What did one tomato say to the other tomato as he was walking away?
Ketchup with you later.