Two Chihuahuas meet on the street.
One says, “I think I’m having a nervous breakdown. The other says, Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” The first dog says, “I can’t I’m not allowed on the couch.”
A frog calls the Psychic Hotline.
Psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.” The frog says, That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?” Psychic says, “No, next term — in her biology class.”
A very shy guy sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, “Can I buy you a drink?”
The woman yells at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
The guy slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” ANd the guy says, “What do you mean $200?”
What does an escalator say when it stops working?
Nothing. It just stairs.
What has four legs and a hand?
A happy pit bull.
Why did the fat man go to the paint store?
To get thinner.
What instrument does an owl play?
The flhoot.
Did you hear about the family of the bad magician?
He has two half-sisters.
What’s a snowman’s favorite Mexican food?
Brrrrrrr-ito.