As he’s plummeting to the ground, he sees another man coming up through the air at incredible speed. The parachutis yells: “Hey! Do you know anything about parachutes?! ” The other guy shouts back: “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?!”
Hoppin’ heimer.
Glad it’s night.
The first man asks for as many law books as will fit in his cell. The second man asks for every medical book that has been published. The third man asks for 300 packs of cigarettes. At the end of the twenty years, the three men are released. The first man comes out and says, “I studied so hard, I can now become as a lawyer!” The second man comes out and says, “After all the learning, I can now become a doctor!” The third man comes out and says, “Anybody got a match?”
‘Bout ‘arf an arr.
They said they won’t be making them any longer.
Bartender says, “That’ll be $5.” The guy takes out a huge pile of coins, throws $5 in pennies all over the bar. The bartender is annoyed but picks up the coins.
Next night the guy comes back, orders a beer, then slams $5 in pennies on the bar, drinks his beer and leaves.
He comes in the next night and orders a beer. This time he pays with a $10 bill. The bartender sees his chance for revenge. He goes to the register, counts out $5 in pennies, throws them on the bar. “There’s your change!”
Guy says, “On second thought, give me two beers.”
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
He says, “Hey, have you seen Quasimodo?
Priest says, “Yeah, he’s ’round back.”
He takes it outside to drink on a bench. A nun walks by and scolds him: “How can you pollute your soul with the Devil’s drink?” The man replies, “It’s not the Devil, it’s just whiskey.” They go back and forth, until the nun admits she’s never actually tasted whiskey. She says, “Maybe if I had just a sip, I’d understand better. But I can’t be seen drinking out here. Could you order me one in a teacup?” The man goes back inside, and says to the bartender: “Two whiskeys, but put one in a teacup, please.” The bartender yells: “Is that nun here AGAIN?!”