The bartender says, “What’s the matter?”
Guy says, “Last night my wife got really drunk and wanted to have sex in the back seat of our car.”
Bartender says, “That sounds pretty hot. So what’s the problem?”
Guy says, “She wanted me to drive.”
Old lady invites him in, makes him a cup of tea, and asks, “What did you want to talk about?
Kid says, “Hell if I know. I’ve never gotten this far before.“
“Boat number 99, please return to the dock. Your time is up!” A few minutes pass. No boat returns. The owner, louder this time: “Boat number 99, return immediately or you’ll be charged for overtime!” Still nothing. The assistant steps in and says: “Boss… we only have 75 boats. There is no number 99.” After a couple of seconds, the owner grabs the mic again and says: “Boat number 66… everything okay out there?”
They like to unwind.
People are lined up for blocks.
The happy dog, ‘cause his tail was a’wagon.
A police officer stops him and asks, “Where are you going at this time?”
The drunk replies, “I’m going to attend a lecture.”
The police officer says “Who gives lectures at midnight?”
The drunk says, “My wife.”
They were groggy.
Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.
“But wait, there’s myrrh!”