Why was the doomsday prepper shopping at Walmart?
So he could spend money like there was no tomorrow.
A 65-year-old man applies for a job at a coffin company.
The interviewer asks, “Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?”
Man says, “As a customer.”
Why was the cattleman’s daughter sent home from the county fair?
She couldn’t keep her calves together.
Why don’t football players wear glasses?
It’s a contact sport.
I offered my elderly neighbor $50 if I could try out her Stairlift.
I think she’s going to take me up on it.
Why did the inside of the jet plane smell so bad?
It was approaching 32,000 feet.
Old man is sitting in the park.
He tells the guy at the next bench, “I don’t smoke, don’t drink, I don’t eat desserts, I don’t chase women, and tomorrow I will celebrate by 90th birthday!”
The other guy says, “How?”