Guy walks up to a priest in Notre Dame cathedral.
He says, “Hey, have you seen Quasimodo?
Priest says, “Yeah, he’s ’round back.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.
He takes it outside to drink on a bench. A nun walks by and scolds him: “How can you pollute your soul with the Devil’s drink?” The man replies, “It’s not the Devil, it’s just whiskey.” They go back and forth, until the nun admits she’s never actually tasted whiskey. She says, “Maybe if I had just a sip, I’d understand better. But I can’t be seen drinking out here. Could you order me one in a teacup?” The man goes back inside, and says to the bartender: “Two whiskeys, but put one in a teacup, please.” The bartender yells: “Is that nun here AGAIN?!”
Why was the doomsday prepper shopping at Walmart?
So he could spend money like there was no tomorrow.
A 65-year-old man applies for a job at a coffin company.
The interviewer asks, “Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?”
Man says, “As a customer.”
Why was the cattleman’s daughter sent home from the county fair?
She couldn’t keep her calves together.
Why don’t football players wear glasses?
It’s a contact sport.
I offered my elderly neighbor $50 if I could try out her Stairlift.
I think she’s going to take me up on it.
Why did the inside of the jet plane smell so bad?
It was approaching 32,000 feet.