Why are demons and ghouls always together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Guy gets a call from the hospital.
Hospital says, “Your wife is here. She’s critical.”
Guy says, “I know, but you get used to it.”
How can you tell if a ghost is drunk?
It looks sheet-faced.
The teacher is doing math with her class.
She asks, “Timmy, if I have five cats and give you two, how many cats do you have?”
Timmy says, “Three.”
Teacher, “No, it’s two. Now, if I have THREE cats and I give you ONE more, how many cats do you have?”
Timmy says, “Four.”
Teacher says, “No, I only gave you three cats total.”
Timmy, “Yeah, but I already have a damn cat.”
What’s the most difficult room in the house?
The problematic.
A man asked his wife in bed, “Can you roll your R’s?”
She says, “Yes, why?”
He says, “Because I’d have more room if you’d roll your arse back onto your side of the bed!”
How do you know if a pirate is vegetarian?
He has a carrot on his shoulder.
Why couldn’t the pepper practice archery?
Because he didn’t habanero.
A guy walked into a pharmacy and says, “Can I buy some Viagra?”
Pharmacist says, “Yes you can.”
The guy says, “Can I get it over the counter?”
The pharmacist said, “I don’t know. Maybe if you take four or five of ’em.”
Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mother was a wafer so long.