What do English professors like to drink?
Shakesbeer.
Why should you never get into a fight with a plastic surgeon?
You’ll get your ass handed to you.
A nun wakes up every day at 5 am.
Her friend said, “How do you do it?
Nun says, “Oh, you just get in the habit.”
What happened when they crossed a crab with a cheetah?
Things went sideways fast.
Your momma is so fat…
When the moon is full she turns into a warehouse.
Why does Santa Claus get so many pop-up ads?
Because he always accepts cookies.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs.
Guy goes to the doctor.
He says, “Doc, I don’t feel good.”
Doctor says, “Go over to my window and stick your tongue out.”
Guy says, “Why?”
Doctor says, “Because I’m mad ad my neighbor.”