HOTEL CHAIN TRIES BREAKFAST-SCENTED ALARM CLOCKS
The time is half-past waffles.
BAREFOOT AT THE OFFICE
Ah! that thou couldst know thy joy / Ere it passes, barefoot boy.
A NEW WAY TO RANK MOUNTAINS
Mt. Everest is a wussy.
PLANE PASSENGERS TRY TO EAT, FLUSH THEIR PASSPORTS
It would have happened naturally, you know.
10% OF SMALL TOWN ARE NOW MILLIONAIRES
Lottery pool pays off.
CHINESE MAN GETS HEAD STUCK IN TRAFFIC LIGHT
Not very bright.
FIREHOSE NOZZLE THIEF CAUGHT
He’s in hot water.
AUDIO: PLANE FORCED TO CIRCLE WHILE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER SLEEPS
Snooze you lose… a plane.
CAR CRASHES INTO HOME OF WOMAN PLAYING GRAND THEFT AUTO
“See you around, like a donut, Carl.”