THIEF STEALS MCDONALD’S MONOPOLY PIECES
That’s not playing fair.
MAN’S DEAD BODY FOUND BEHIND LADIES ROOM WALL
The wall at the mall.
FAMILY INSTALLS ALARM FOR WHEN NEIGHBOR’S KIDS PLAY IN BACKYARD
It’s the Canada way.
NEWLYWEDS TREAT GUESTS TO MCDONALD’S CHEESEBURGERS AT RECEPTION
This is after a six-course meal.
SUPERMARKET ROLLS OUT “TOUCH-FREE RAW MEAT”
Millennials find raw meat icky.
AUDIO: ITALIAN ANNOUNCER SHOUTS “MAMA MIA” 5X AFTER TEAM WINS
It’s not a stereotype if they actually do it.
KOREAN MAN KILLS NEIGHBOR’S DOG; INVITES NEIGHBOR OVER FOR DINNER
Good dog! Mmm, mmm, good!
WOMAN STEALS YOKO ONO’S ROCK FROM ART EXHIBIT
One of Yoko’s better pieces, actually.
GUY’S FISH TANK NEARLY KILLS ENTIRE FAMILY
Coral releases toxin into the air.
RESTAURANT OWNER GOES TO THE BATHROOM IN RIVAL’S SOUP POT
But it’s China, so, OK then.