AUDIO: MYSTERY OF THE SEVERED FEET SOLVED
I toed you so.
BOAT-SINKING WALRUS TO GET FLOATING COUCH
Sofa king walrus.
OLYMPIAN SELLS SILVER MEDAL TO RAISE FUNDS FOR BABY OPERATION
She came in second, but she’s the real #1.
CREATOR OF SUDOKU PUZZLE DIES
Not a cross word was ever spoken about him.
HERO CAT SAVES ELDERLY OWNER
Timmy’s in the well, or something like that.
VANDAL TERRORIZES TOWN WITH BAKED BEANS
Probably some saucy wench.
WOMAN MISTAKES ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH FOR HISSING COBRA
She was pretty rattled.
DUTCH MAN DIES AFTER SWALLOWING CAR KEYS
No one could understand him.