ZOO BANS WOMAN FOR GETTING TOO CHUMMY WITH CHIMP
Gorilla in the missed.
ACCIDENTAL BACON SANDWICH DEATH
Pajamas were involved.
AUDIO: MYSTERY OF THE SEVERED FEET SOLVED
I toed you so.
BOAT-SINKING WALRUS TO GET FLOATING COUCH
Sofa king walrus.
OLYMPIAN SELLS SILVER MEDAL TO RAISE FUNDS FOR BABY OPERATION
She came in second, but she’s the real #1.
CREATOR OF SUDOKU PUZZLE DIES
Not a cross word was ever spoken about him.
HERO CAT SAVES ELDERLY OWNER
Timmy’s in the well, or something like that.
VANDAL TERRORIZES TOWN WITH BAKED BEANS
Probably some saucy wench.