DEPUTY LASSOS SUSPECT
All police hat and no cattle.
NUDIST ADMITS TO KILLING NEIGHBORS OVER A HOT DOG
At least he didn’t bring a taco.
MAN ROBS WEREWOLF
There wolf.
MAN BLOWS UP CASINO TOILET
Jackputz.
UNITED AIRPLANE TO PASSENGERS: BITE ME
“Welcome aboard flight BITEME1 to Chicago.”
DOG JUMPS OUT OF CAR TO CHASE YELLOWSTONE WOLF
How much is that doggie in the window (in trouble)?
110-YEAR-OLD LOBSTER RETURNED TO THE SEA
It pulled a mussell.
AUDIO: CHOPPER PILOT CAUGHT ON OPEN MIC TALKING ABOUT PERSONAL PROBLEMS
This is Chopper Stu (snif) signing off (sob).
MAN ARRESTED FOR BREAKING INTO PRISON
Unclear on the concept.
CICADAS LANDING ON GUESTS AT AMUSEMENT PARK
Keep your mouth closed.