ITALIAN PASTA MAY DISAPPEAR FROM SHELVES
Use your noodle!
BEAR BREAKS INTO SAME HOUSE TWICE
Bear’s repeating.
BEAR STEALS CHAINSAW
Bear steals Stihl.
INFLUENTIAL TOY DESIGNER DIES
You knocked my block off.
WOMAN CAUGHT BETWEEN WALLS
The walls have ears (and blonde hair and a face).
JURY ACQUITS SANDWICH GUY
Hot dog!
FLORIDA MAN AVOIDS RITUAL SACRIFICE
As one does.
MAN REALLY NEEDS BATHROOM, PULLS KNIFE
Rough going.
THE CUSTOMS AGENT SANDWICH ASSAULT TRIAL
What baloney.