WORLD’S OLDEST CHICKEN: 14 YEARS
Tough old bird.
CAR CRASHES INTO RESTAURANT THREE TIMES
Fourth time’s the charm.
LEWD DJ ARRESTED IN FLORIDA PARK
Foxy lady.
$400,000 WORTH OF PINE-SOL STOLEN
It’s that kind of c̶l̶e̶a̶n̶ crime.
SMELLY EMPLOYEE TRIED TO KILL BOSSES
Over poor hygiene reprimand.
REVEREND RIGS RAFFLE
‘rrested.
AIR FORCE LOOKING FOR CYBERTRUCKS TO BLOW UP
Get in line, Cybertruck owners, get in line.
FAKE NURSE ARRESTED
Good night nurse!
MAN HUMPS TRADER JOE’S REFRIGERATOR
One of those summer romance things.