MINNIE MOUSE, HELLO KITTY IN TIMES SQUARE BRAWL
Cat v. Mouse.
STORE LOANS MONEY FOR HAIR WEAVES
At 8% interest.
ACTOR STABBED FOR REAL ON STAGE
He finished the first act.
AUDIO: COUPLE ATTACKED BY HORMONAL CAT
The cat had just had a kitten.
FLORIDA MAN DANCES ON TOP OF POLICE CRUISER
To avoid vampires, as one does.
WALMART CHANGES IN-STORE MUSIC
No more Celine Dion or Justin Bieber.
EXTRA CREDIT ASSIGNMENT: LOOK IN YOUR PARENTS' DRAWERS FOR SEX TOYS
Search for sex toys and condoms.
FOR SALE: FLINTSTONE CITY
Near the Grand Canyon.
HOMEBUYER THROWS IN FREE PIZZA FOR LIFE
A pizza a month for 40 years.
DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE LINCOLN CHAFFEE: SWITCH TO METRIC SYSTEM
Let’s join the rest of the world.”